I don’t know why I feel like crap most of the time. I’m not just talking about physically feeling lousy. It seems like I spend most of time time feeling either depressed, anxious, or angry.
These feelings don’t gradually come on, it seems more like a switch is flipped, and suddenly I find myself in a dark, despondent mood. Sometimes I can talk myself out of it quickly, but most of the time it hangs on for hours. I don’t like these feelings. Some people seem to get off on being angry and morose. I don’t think I’m one of them. At least I hope that I’m not, in some screwed up way, enjoying these negative feelings.
When I look at my life, I sometimes wonder why I feel so negative about everything. There are a LOT of people that are a hell of a lot worse off than I am who seem to be able to remain positive and upbeat. The fact that I can’t seem to do that really bothers me. It makes me think there is something wrong with how I percieve my existence.
I feel that I should be able to spend more of my time feeling good about myself and my life. I hate myself for always looking at what is wrong, instead of appreciating what is right.
Keep up the good work. I started reading Lovecraft when I was twelve. I’ve been a fan of this genre ever since. I’m 51 now.
People that constantly lie about their lives and achievements usually have very low self esteem. They feel they have to lie and/or exaggerate to make themselves appear to be more important, interesting or successful than they are. It becomes so much a part of their persona that they do it habitually, without even considering the fact that their lies are obvious to others, and do nothing but make them look foolish. They come across as obnoxious braggarts and they normally end up with very few people who are willing to be their friends. If they are confronted with their lies, they become very angry and defensive and normally resort to personal attacks against whoever pointed out the fallacy of their story. They are sad individuals who are desperate to impress people. They feel their lives are boring or depressing and they make up stories to seem more interesting to others. I avoid them, and I don’t let their lies bother me. Their stories are just fairy tales they tell themselves and others in order to feel better about what they percieve to be their hopelessly dull existence. Ignore them. Unless their lies directly involve you, keep that in mind and walk away from them. They will eventually trap themselves in the lies they tell.
I’ve told people things about my self that some may think are lies or exaggerations. I’ve known more than a few people who are guilty of this practice. I am not one of them. I have had some very strange, wonderful, and frightening experiences in my life. I do not need to embelish them.