I don’t know why I feel like crap most of the time. I’m not just talking about physically feeling lousy. It seems like I spend most of time time feeling either depressed, anxious, or angry.

These feelings don’t gradually come on, it seems more like a switch is flipped, and suddenly I find myself in a dark, despondent mood. Sometimes I can talk myself out of it quickly, but most of the time it hangs on for hours. I don’t like these feelings. Some people seem to get off on being angry and morose. I don’t think I’m one of them. At least I hope that I’m not, in some screwed up way, enjoying these negative feelings.

When I look at my life, I sometimes wonder why I feel so negative about everything. There are a LOT of people that are a hell of a lot worse off than I am who seem to be able to remain positive and upbeat. The fact that I can’t seem to do that really bothers me. It makes me think there is something wrong with how I percieve my existence.

I feel that I should be able to spend more of my time feeling good about myself and my life. I hate myself for always looking at what is wrong, instead of appreciating what is right.

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We found out thursday that our cat Whiskers was dead.

Apparently he was attacked by a dog or coyote. Our neighbor that keeps his horses on the property behind us called and said he had found him lying in his yard.

I’m going to assume he was killed by a dog, because a coyote wouldn’t have left the body behind. Wild animals aren’t thrill killers, and a coyote would have taken the carcass as food, especially at this time of year when they have litters to feed.

We all knew there were coyotes in the neighborhood; we all knew not to let him out at night, we all occasionally weren’t fast enough to grab him, and sometimes we all let him get out so he wouldn’t drive us crazy with his meowing, so we are all responsible for his death. There is plenty of blame to go around.

Whiskers, I’m sorry we didn’t do a better job of keeping you safe. I’m sorry we gave in when you begged to go out and run with your friends. I wish you were still here with us. We all miss you terribly. I wish I could hold you again.

I hope there is a place our pets go when they leave us. I hope it is a happy place filled with sunny skies, tall grass, forests, streams and lakes for them to play in, with lots of mice and squirrels for them to chase. I hope they make lots of new friends and reunite with the ones they had here.

They all deserve a place like that.

 

Chuck Johnston
2014-02-18 I am so tired of being constantly broke. I work my butt of and we never get ahead. It’s a goddamn losing battle and I’m tired. I’m becoming physically and emotionally burnt out. Maybe if there was money left after the bills, groceries and gas for the cars it would feel like I was actually accomplishing something, but as it stands I’m doing everything I know to try and keep up and it isn’t working.

Lovecraft eZine

Guys, I need help.  Facebook has blacklisted parts of the Lovecraft eZine website; in other words, I can’t link to it to anything in the /chat portion of the site (and some other parts) from Facebook.

Lovecraft eZine IS a safe website. In fact, it is a wordpress.COM website — with wordpress.COM sites, you cannot even use Javascript. I don’t know if this happened because some jealous person reported the site, or what, but the only thing that will fix this is lots and lots of you reporting to FB that http://lovecraftzine.com/chat IS a safe site.

In addition, the Lovecraft eZine Facebook GROUP (the message board) has completely disappeared!

HERE IS HOW YOU CAN HELP:

  1. Go to Facebook.
  2. Click the gear icon at the top right side of the page.
  3. Then, click REPORT A PROBLEM, and let FB know that Lovecraft eZine is a safe website. Please include the

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Keep up the good work. I started reading Lovecraft when I was twelve. I’ve been a fan of this genre ever since. I’m 51 now.

 People that constantly lie about their lives and achievements usually have very low self esteem. They feel they have to lie and/or exaggerate to make themselves appear to be more important, interesting or successful than they are. It becomes so much a part of their persona that they do it habitually, without even considering the fact that their lies are obvious to others, and do nothing but make them look foolish. They come across as obnoxious braggarts and they normally end up with very few people who are willing to be their friends. If they are confronted with their lies, they become very angry and defensive and normally resort to personal attacks against whoever pointed out the fallacy of their story. They are sad individuals who are desperate to impress people. They feel their lives are boring or depressing and they make up stories to seem more interesting to others. I avoid them, and I don’t let their lies bother me. Their stories are just fairy tales they tell themselves and others in order to feel better about what they percieve to be their hopelessly dull existence. Ignore them. Unless their lies directly involve you, keep that in mind and walk away from them. They will eventually trap themselves in the lies they tell.

I’ve told people things about my self that some may think are lies or exaggerations. I’ve known more than a few people who are guilty of this practice. I am not one of them. I have had some very strange, wonderful, and frightening experiences in my life. I do not need to embelish them.